


Everything I could do

by Lumentyttoe



Category: The Tribe (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:33:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27488134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumentyttoe/pseuds/Lumentyttoe
Summary: After Bray and Amber have been banished from the city, Trudy goes out looking for them, worried. When she finds them in the barn she's relieved at first. Bray and the baby are well - and Amber is sleeping, isn't she?
Relationships: Amber/Bray (The Tribe)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> So...This is set at the end of S3 and gives a (slightly?) alternative way of how things could have been. Personally, I found Bray being the one to not make it out of the barn the least plausible way of solving this storyline, so I changed it. Hope you enjoy! (Also, English is not my mothertongue so forgive me if some expressions don't make sense)

Trudy’s heart was still racing, even when the black van was out of her sight for some time already. As usual, Brady seemed to feel her mother‘s anxiety and had been whining for a while, fumbling painfully with Trudy’s hair. „It’s alright, sweety, they didn’t see us, ok? Everything’s going to be alright…“ Trudy rocked her baby in her arms like she always did when trying to calm the infant down – but now she tried as well to get her own nerves back together. „We’ll find them“, she whispered in Brady’s ear, adding „Alive!“ in her thoughts only. Carefully she looked around but as far as she could see there was none of the black vans anymore that made her feel so uncomfortable. A hushed cry came to her ears and instinctively she pressed Brady closer to her chest. „It’s alright, sweety, I know that this is scary and confusing but I promise, it…“ She cut herself off mid-sentence, looking in her daughter’s face, confused. Brady wasn’t crying. The noise came from a distance and Trudy decided to follow it. An uncomfortable mix made of relieve and fear started to build up inside of her. A few steps down the road she realised that the noise came from a small barn in some distance and now Trudy started to walk a little faster. „Everything’s going to be alright, Brady, mummy promises. It’ll be alright. Let’s get to know your cousin, shall we?“ Her daughter smiled but Trudy was quite sure that it was because of the cheerful tone she had spoken in rather than because of the toddler understanding anything she said.  
Trudy had almost reached the barn when she noticed the airplane up in the sky. An airplane…How long ago it seemed that those things had been something perfectly normal in her everyday life. How often she felt the urge to be on one of those machines, to travel to another place. Asia. South-America. Europe. Yes, when she still went to school, Trudy had dreamed of travelling the world. A sightseeing-tour through France, Spain and Italy along with some friends had already been planned. But even before the pandemic cancelled everybody’s plans, it had been the positive pregnancy test that told Trudy to postpone her own that were so well thought trough. The plane disappeared from the Mallrat’s view and Brady’s small giggling took her mother’s attention back to reality. She planted a kiss on her forehad, then she passed the last meters separating her from the entry to the barn and opened the door that was so small she had to bow down in order to be able to walk through it. While pressing her daughter closer, she thought about what might happen if she had walked right into a trap. She was unarmed and not knowing barely enough about the tribes outside of the city to make a judgement about how dangerous this environment was. „Bray? Amber? Are you here? Are you ok?“ She entered carefully and looked around.

Through the wooden walls of the barn only thin rays of light were making their way to the inside. Trudy’s eyes needed some time to adapt to the darkness. But then she found them. There, in the deepest corner of the building, in the middle of a messy pile of hay she could see the outlines of two people. And even as she could only see a shadow she knew immediately that she had found them. „Bray!“ Trudy sighed half relieved, half frightened as she approached him quickly. But she wasn’t mistaken, it was him. Strains of his half-long hair were falling in his face and the look he gave her was so indifferent that it shocked Trudy for a second, but she swallowed her surprise. „Thank goodness I found you two! There’s hell going on in the city you won’t believe it, Ebony, she…never mind!“, she cut herself off, while putting her daughter on the ground, giving her a little hay to play with. „Boy or girl?“ She knelt tot he ground as well. Amber’s eyes were closed and a small smile formed around Trudy’s lips while she looked at her friends face being so peaceful, although Trudy couldn’t see all of it due to the conditions of light. Curiously Trudy looked over to the small bundle Amber held in her arms. The child’s face was smeared and the fabric it was wrapped in slid from his small body. It was Bray’s jacket, she recognized. Involuntarily the memories of her sitting in the mall with a baby not much bigger than this one came back to Trudy.

The baby was still whining and as Trudy watched it more carefully, she noticed that its lips were slightly blue. „Did it have something to eat already? “ she asked while cupping the baby’s face. „It’s probably crying because it’s hungry. Brady was hard to calm down after she was born, just until I fed her.“ Trudy spoke quietly, careful not to wake Amber up. „Did Amber feed it?“, she repeated as Bray didn’t answer her yet. She shot him an asking look but his glance was still so distant as if he looked right through her. „Bray?!“, she addressed the young man in a more pressing manner now and he closed his eyes for a second as if he wasn’t entirely sure if she was really there in front of him. „Sorry?“ His voice was hushed, thin, toneless. „Has the baby been fed? The way it’s complaining, I guess it’s hungry.“ Bray glanced over Trudy’s shoulder into the distance. „No“, he said, the voice still as plain as before. „Ok…er…“, Trudy looked at the sleeping Amber again, „Then we’ll do that soon. If Amber needs to rest, we probably shouldn’t wake her up right away, giving birth is stressfull enough.“ She looked through the room. „Is there water somewhere? I assume you didn’t bathe it yet and I’m sure it would make the baby feel way more comfortable when all the blood and stuff is gone.“ The child in Amber’s arms started whining again as if to emphasize its aunt’s words. And that very moment when Trudy’s gaze fell upon Bray’s hands that he had put right under Amber’s, rocking the baby softly, her breathing stopped. Blood sticked to his fingers as if he had put his hands into a bucket full of red paint. Slowly Trudy turned around and looked at the scenario properly for the first time. Amber’s legs, the blanket beneath her feet and the hay she was lying upon were full of blood, so much, that the site of it made Trudy sick. She pressed a hand to her mouth to muffle the scream leaving her lips. „Bray…“, now it was Trudy’s voice that was nothing but a whisper, „What happened?“

It was not like she couldn’t think of it herself. But in all the years she had known him, Bray had always been the one to calm her down. At first they didn’t know each other well but that changed when she and Martin started dating. Bray had always been able to take her fears away. Weather it was from a maths-class test or the fact that she had just found out that she would have a baby whose father was his younger brother never mattered. Bray had been by her side, taken her in his arms, calmed her down and told her everything was going to be alright – in such a convincing way that it had been impossible not to believe him. „Everything’s good for something, Trudy. Even if we’re not able to see it at a particular time“, he said and pulled her into a hug when he had found her on the street. Confused, visibly pregnant, alone, desperate. 

But as she took a look at him now, she couldn’t find a hint of the optimism, the believe that everything was going to be alright that had been a part of him for so long. „She went into labour soon after we left the city. Amber was afraid because it was way premature – and after she told me about it, I panicked as well. So I brought her here, stayed with her. I tried to recall everything we did with Brady and you but I…I think I couldn’t remember all of it. And there was…so much blood…“ His shaking voice was barely more than a whisper in the silence. „I went outside to look for help but there where those strange guys wearing masks, must be a new tribe. They were wearing headsets and didn’t look like they came in peace. So I went back, Amber was lying here, crying in pain and I tried to calm her, telling her over and over again everything was going to be fine. Amber…“, Bray cut himself off and swallowed. „She did amazing but…it took so long. And when he…he finally arrived, I thought, that the three of us made it. He didn’t cry immediately, which worried me but it wasn’t long before that changed. I wanted to put him into Amber’s arms. I told her how beautiful he is and that he’s healthy, so that she wouldn’t worry about it. But she…“, his words were barely understandable, muffled by tears and Trudy’s heart grew so heavy that she thought to feel it pump painfully inside her chest. „She wasn’t able to hold him. And then I saw the blood, so much of it, I…I didn’t know what to do. I was so…helpless. Helpless, when it would have been my job to protect her.“ Trudy felt tears streaming down her face but she didn’t even make an attempt to wipe them away. Carefully, as if she could disturb Amber with her movements, Trudy crawled to Bray’s side. Sie cupped his cheeks with her thumb, putting a hand against his face that was wet from tears. „You didn’t do anything wrong, you hear me?“, she whispered, her own voice being not a bit stronger than his, „You didn’t do anything wrong.“ But nothing about him told her weather or not he believed her. 

For how long they had been sitting here, nobody was able to tell. But finally a weak cry brought them back to reality. Trudy looked down at the child and noticed worried that its lips still didn’t have a natural rosé colour. “Bray, we need water. And fire to heat it. We have to bathe him.” Her voice was much shakier than she could have liked it to be. Bray didn’t react. He hadn’t said a single word since he finished his explanation and the sight of him, sitting there apathic and keep stroking the hair of the dead woman he was still holding in his arms, broke Trudy’s heart. But the whining that sounded way too weak told her that this couldn’t matter right now. “Bray!” She moved so that she was now kneeling in front of him. But his look was still as indifferent as it had been when she arrived. “Bray, listen to me!” It took Trudy all of her courage to put her hands upon his. Not because his hands were still covered in Amber’s blood, but because Trudy knew that his hands were the only thing between herself and her friend’s dead body. “What happened here is terrible. Really, really horrible. And you have every right to be sad, angry or whatever it is you’re feeling. And you’ll get all the time you need to mourn Amber but…”, her voice broke for a moment, “But your son needs you. Now more than ever. He needs a father who cares about him, even more than he would have anyway. So please…”, she pressed her fingers against his, “Please help me to take care of him.” And when Bray looked back at her now, Trudy felt like he really noticed her for the first time.

Carefully she removed her hands from his and started getting up, while Bray took his right hand away from Amber’s and put it under his son’s head to support it. Carefully he let go of her other hand that fell down on the dead woman’s side so that Bray was holding his son in his own arms. For a few moments nothing else happened. “If I get up, could you hold her?” Bray’s voice was still nothing but a whisper and it took Trudy a moment to understand what he was talking about. She swallowed. “O…ofcourse.” She forced herself to stay calm. “If you want to I can go out to look for water as well, so that you can stay with…” – “No.” All of a sudden, Bray’s voice was as determined as it hadn’t been since Trudy came. “It would be better if you stayed here. With my son and…with Brady. We don’t know what’s going on outside and if things get serious, I am better in defending myself. I’ll be back as soon as I found something.” Before he got up, he kissed the back of Amber’s head. Then he stood up and stroked the baby’s hair before he handed him to Trudy. “Aunt Trudy is going to look after you for a moment now, little one”, he whispered, “She’s an amazing mum and she’ll do it almost as wonderful as yours would, I’m sure.” Trudy’s voice broke so that she couldn’t answer him before he went trough the barn door, leaving her with her child’s cousin in her arms and her friend’s dead body beneath her. 

As Trudy had thought the baby was doing much better, after it had been bathed and his blocked nose had been cleared, making breathing much easier for the little boy. But other problems couldn’t be solved with a little water and after Bray and Trudy had tried feeding the baby until early morning, she could finally convince him to not stay in the barn much longer. “We have to go back to the city. The chosen had a secret milk-powder supply in the Mall for all the pregnant women they had taken into their circle. I think nobody except Luke and me knows about it, so it should still be there. If we leave tonight we should be in the city so early that nobody will notice you.”  
But before they could leave, there was something else that had to be done. “I can say something if you want me to.” It was the third time that they were standing together in front of an improvised grave. This time it was a simple whole right behind the barn where they put Amber’s body to rest and covered it with soil. On its top there was a feather instead of a tombstone. Bray shook his head but Trudy watched him worried, as he started saying something for several times after that, but couldn‘t really force himself to speak. Two, three times he opened his mouth, but it seemed like he didn’t find the right words to express how he felt. Trudy stepped to his side and let him put his head against her shoulder while he cried. She stroked the baby‘s head softly. Bray kept his son bound to his chest in a piece of fabric whenever he couldn‘t hold him in his arms and even Trudy was only allowed to take him for several minutes in total during the whole day – much to Bradys displease who showed a lot of interest in the new baby already.

„She…she told me so many times that she‘s not sure about weather or not bringing a child into this world is the right thing to do. And I contradicted her every time. But if I knew it was going to live in a world without her, I‘d…“ He stopped when Trudy put a hand under his chin, forcing him carefully to look her in the eye again. „Listen to me“, she said quietly, „Amber and you, you wanted to make this world a better place. For both of your sakes and for your baby‘s. And you, Bray, you still do have that chance!“ He nodded but Trudy knew him too well to think that he believed her. Nevertheless, she stepped away and went back into the barn to collect the bag with the few things he carried along when they had been banished. When she had found them and just returned to the scene, she saw Bray kneeling in front of the grave and when she looked over his shoulder, she could see the ring Amber had given him so long ago placed upon the grave. „Let’s go“, she whispered and took his hand. 

It took them longer than they had anticipated until they reached the city. Probably both of them underestimated the fact that there were now two children that needed to be taken care of. But Trudy‘s fear that they might be caught right away when entering the city proved wrong. Instead of a fear-driven walk through sectors full of Ebony’s spies, the silence of a ghost town awaited them. „What happened here?“, Trudy whispered time and time again, obviously shocked as they passed one building after the other that used to be other tribes headquarters. „It’s almost like when the virus struck“, Bray replied once, „but…quieter.”

When they finally made it to the mall, Cloe was the first to see them. She sat in front of the roller shutter and was on guard-duty, accompanied by Ellie. Cloe jumped to her feet when she saw them. „Bray! Oh my god!“ She ran to him, ready to hug him, when she noticed the baby strapped to his chest. „Is that…Is it really…Where have you been? We thought you were…where‘s Amber? Did Ebony pardon you?“ The words came out of her mouth so fast that she was stumbling while saying them. Trudy shook her head smiling. „Cloe, why don‘t you let him arrive properly at first?“, she asked. „Ellie, would you let us in, please? We‘re pretty tired, it‘s been…a long journey“, she asked her friend who did so instantly. While Bray was already passing through the rolling shutter, answering at least parts of Cloe’s questions, Ellie whispered to Trudy: „But did Ebony pardon them? Does she know he‘s back?“ Trudy shook her head. „No. And I pray to god she wo-“ She stopped when she almost crashed into Bray who stopped walking without any warning. When she followed his gaze, she recognised the reason for that immediately. 

May stood on the big stairway that was leading to the upper stories of the mall – and Pride was right behind her. „Where‘s Amber?“ He wasn‘t talking loud but all the tenderness, usually so characteristic for his voice, had gone, leaving room for other emotions. Fear. Rage. Hope. Pain. Trudy saw Bray‘s shaking hands and took a step forward so that she was not standing next to, but right in front of him, as if she could protect him from what was going to come. She could see how he opened his mouth and then closed it again without a word being said, the emptiness getting back into his glance. „Where. Is. Amber.“, Prides voice was more demanding now while he stepped out of May‘s shadow and down the stairs. He walked fast, taking a few steps at a time and anger was painting his face red. „Did you leave her behind? Mhm? Did you once again abandon her somewhere, hurt, just to save you own live?! Where is she?! Tell me where to find her and I-“ – „She‘s dead, Pride.“ Trudy could hear the silence that followed the words ring in her ears. Meanwhile most of the other Mallrats had appeared in the hallways, attracted by the noise probably. At the first moment, Trudy did only notice Tai-San and Alice missing. Pride stepped back as if he had been slapped. „What?“, he asked but Trudy was sure he didn‘t understand any of her words as she tried to explain to him what had happened. Meanwhile Bray was stroking his son‘s head to stop him from crying. „It‘s gonna be alright“, Trudy heard him say the words she had used herself so often to calm Brady down. They always sounded like the fondest of truths and the most terrible lie at the same time. Finally it was Lex who broke the silence Trudy‘s words had left. „Come in. Bray and the baby are save here for now from everything that‘s going on outside. Cloe? Ellie? Close the gate. Now!“ They did as they were told and from the corner of her eye Trudy could see that Pride was approaching Bray. For a split second they were just standing opposite each other and the tension between them was so immense, Trudy thought to feel it on her own skin. But then Pride lowered his head to look at the baby Bray had instinctively wrapped his arm around in protection. „What‘s its name?“, he asked, the voice once again full of the tenderness they all knew so well. „Timothy…but I‘m quite sure he listens to Timo as well“, Bray replied surprisingly sure. Pride nodded before lifting his head and caressing the baby‘s head. It moved under the touch and Bray turned around so that his son could see the man in front of him. „He has her eyes“, Pride whispered so hushed that Trudy barely understood him.


	2. Found

Pride couldn’t tell right away what had interrupted his sleep. The light that was shining weakly through the wooden beams of the treehouse, told him that the moon was still up in the sky. In the first days of his tribe he used to spend most of his nights under the plain sky, a thin mat on the floor being his mattress. But despite all the good things his time with the mallrats had given him, it also took some of his habits away – the fact that he prefered sleeping on the outside being one of them. Pride sat up, listening carefully. He could hear the leaves swinging in the wind, the hushed voices of two of his tribal members being on guard-duty at the fire, his own breathing. But nothing threatening, nothing that could have woken him up. Without making a noise he pulled the woolen blanked aside, carefully crawling to the entrance of his room from where a ladder led to the ground. He looked down but didn’t see anything that could have woken him up either. He shook his head in confusion, his own behavior suddenly appearing strange to him. Most probably it had been a bad dream, that ended his sleep, even if he didn’t remember it, but that didn’t have to mean a thing. He laid down on his mat, adjusting his coat he used as a pillow and putting the blanket back over his shoulders. He wanted to gain some more sleep in the few hours that were left until sunrise, re-energize for everything that was going to happen. He was responsible for gathering the food this week and two of his hunters had already told him, that there were enough rabbits in their region so that they could start hunting them again. Pride rolled over on his side. So a few hours of hunting and – he froze. The mat besides him that was supposed to make sleeping on the plain floor more comfortable, was empty. Pillow and blanket lay there abandoned but the teddy bear was gone – and that wasn’t just it. Pride exhaled, putting the blanket aside and rose to his feet. Luckily for him, the blank, white panic didn’t haunt him anymore when situations like this one happened. In fast movements he descended the latter that led from the treehouse to the ground.

In fact there weren’t just two but four of the Eccos sitting by the fire, chatting, when Pride approached them. “Did you see Lux?”, he asked and even as he managed to keep his voice calm, he couldn’t hide how worried he was. The boy and two of the girls shook their heads but the fourth one said: “He passed by some time ago. You said we mustn’t talk to him when he’s walking around at night.” She looked at him with wide eyes, almost as if afraid he might be angry with her. “No. No, that’s all right, you shouldn’t…you did everything just right. Do you know in which direction he went?” The girl nodded, pointing into the darkness. Pride shuddered as he realized that she was showing him into the direction of the brook, but he forced a smile, thanked her and left with fast steps. “Nothing has ever happened”, he whispered to himself, “Why should there be something wrong now?” But still, his heart was beating faster than usual, as if to make his legs take more steps at a time and the worrying made his voice weak. But his fear lifted a bit when he saw the outlines of the boy in the silver moonlight. The figure on the shore of the brook had turned his back on Pride and didn’t move. Pride sighed in relieve and for a moment he just stood there in the gras, looking at the child, his half-long hair being almost white as the moonlight that fell upon it. How much he had grown, some centimeters at last, Pride was convinced. But now, in this very scenario he seemed so lost that Pride involuntarily had to think of another time when he had that impression.

I _t was already late when Pride returned to the mall. He had hoped to find some peace in the solitude of the forest behind the city, so that he could prepare himself for the things that were going to come. He failed, even though May tried everything in her power to offer some distraction. Still, he had been relieved in a weird sort of way when she had given up and returned to the city on her own, leaving him alone with the nature and his thoughts. “Where have you been?” Lex voice sounded sharp when Pride met him in front of the roller shutter that was the entrance to the mall. “The outside”, he replied unimpressed, eager not be provoked by Lex. “And where there exactly? I thought, since Bray became a stay-at-home dad, solo trips at nighttime were ancient history?” Pride sighed. “It’s easier for me to calm down outside, I have a habit of doing it. If you didn’t always trade your guard-duty to the younger ones for a piece of chocolate, you knew about it. Speaking of which…Why are you even here? When I left it was KC who let me out.” Lex rolled his eyes. “Don’t you hear it? The brat is terrorizing the whole place again. Has been crying for hours and his superdaddy doesn’t seem capable of calming him down.” He scoffed and Pride had almost replied that his opinions of Lex’s qualities as a father weren’t the highest as well. But May had told him how much Lex was still hurting over the loss of Zandra and most of all his unborn child and Pride was not the type to enjoy opening up other people’s old wounds. “So since sleeping is impossible anyway, I thought I’d make myself useful and take on guard-duty”, Lex ended his explanation. Pride nodded. “That means you can let me in”, he assumed, preparing for Lex to enjoy the powerplay even longer. But to his surprise he did nothing but to lift his eyebrow. “If you want to go there voluntarily, be my guest.” He shrugged coolly before turning around, opening the roller shutter using the key he was carrying around in his pocket. Pride thanked him, then disappeared in the mall behind Lex._

_Lex hadn’t exaggerated for once. Pride could hear the baby’s crying shortly after he passed the spout in the mall’s entrance. It sounded powerful but painful. When he arrived at the upper end of the stairs, he followed the noise and found Trudy and Tai-San standing at the entrance of Bray’s room. They watched anxiously as Bray walked up and down the space. The piece of fabric he had wrapped around his upper body was now a part of his appearance, just as natural as the feathers in his hair. He kept his head down, whispering something to the baby only the two of them could understand. “Bray, please, just let me try it once.” Trudy’s voice was as tender as it was worried while she was holding a bottle of formula in her right hand. Bray didn’t react but when he walked to the other side of the room, Pride could see the shadows beneath his eyes. Pale as he was, they appeared to be even darker on his expressionless face, that seemed like he didn’t notice anything that happened around him. His eyes were glazed from the sleep deprivation, his lips cracked open and the pale color of his skin didn’t hint that he was doing well overall either. In erratic movements he rocked the child and Pride was relieved that due to the fabric Amber’s son was save from falling, at least for the moment. But what he saw as the child turned its head in his direction worried him. His lips were blue. “Shhhh….”, Bray tried hard to calm his son down, “I know you’re tired, little one, that’s why you have to sleep now. We both should get some rest and…”_

_“He doesn’t stand a chance”, Tai-San whispered in a sad voice and when Pride shot her an asking look she added: “Babys know when their parents are stressed out, it makes them uncomfortable. And Bray has been incredibly nervous for days now because of the meeting tomorrow, of course his son notices that.” She shook her head disapproving. “If I didn’t know how to handle that stress I would not get too much sleep either. I totally understand him.” Trudy pursed her lips. “As if you knew anything about children”, she replied pointedly. “Most of all he’s hungry. And when that issue is solved I’m quite su…Bray!” She put a hand in front of her mouth in shock and watched worried as Bray had stumbled, barely managing to catch himself but throwing down the lamp on his nightstand in the process. “It’s alright. Everything’s fine”, Pride heard him say, although Bray still seemed to only be talking to his son. “You can stop crying, I’m here, see, everything’s fine. I’m here for you, watching over you. There’s no need to cry.” The movements of him rocking the baby were getting faster and faster, “Your daddy’s here, taking care of you. There’s no need to cry. There’s no need to cry, you hear me? There. Is. No. Need. To. Cry.”_

_“Bray, stop it!” Without a second of hesitation, Pride took a few steps forward so that he was standing opposite of Bray within seconds. In a displacement activity he grabbed him by the wrists, carefully to not hurt the baby, to interrupt Bray’s hectic movements. Bray shot him an indifferent look. “It’s dangerous to shake babys like that”, Pride explained although it took him a lot of self-control to stay as calm as he did. “It can cause brain damage, even kill them. And you don’t want that to happen, Bray!” “No.” His voice was barely understandable over the crying of the baby and he still didn’t look at Pride. “You want him to be alright. You want him to be healthy, happy and that he can grow up in piece and quiet.” He nodded hesitantly and for the first time since Pride’s arrival Bray took his hands from his son’s back. The child turned his head, looking at Pride directly. His lips were still blue, his face bright red from the exhaustion the crying cost him, his breathing was labored. Pride did his best to ignore his heart beating faster in his chest. He knew that the boy has had trouble breathing ever since he had been born way prematurely._

_“Then…”, Pride cleared his throat, hoping that his voice might sound more determined, “Then you have to help him. He needs attention, patience, care, he needs fresh air.” Pride hoped that his voice was firm but not taunting. He looked at the baby again that had just stopped crying. “He needs his mother.” Bray’s voice was barely understandable as he kept his head down, his gaze focused on his son as if he was the only thing that was real in this world. With a lump in his throat, Pride closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he said sincerely: “It’s you he has. And that doesn’t mean that you’re in it all by yourself. We’re all here for you. Let us help. Let…”, he hesitated for a second before he continued: “Let me help you. Let me take care of him, so that you can fully focus on rebuilding the city. Despite the Technos, the Loco-leftovers and God knows what else is out there.” Bray lifted his head and looked at him so furiously that Pride was sure he was going to beat him up. But then the anger on his face turned into desperation. “I can’t give him away. I’m his father after all. He needs me!” Pride nodded in approval. “Yes. He does, like I said before. But he needs you in good shape. And right now, that’s not what you are in. How could you, so shortly before the meeting that might determine the fate of the whole city? Take a break from being a father, give him a break from having to share your sorrow. I promise, I’ll take care of him.” Bray hesitated. “Please, Bray. I’m sure of all the people in the world it’s Pride Amber would have trusted with your baby.” It was Trudy who said that. Trudy, who would have had more than enough reasons to put her own name onto that list. But she only stood there, a sad smile on her face and looked at both of them._

_And then Bray untied the knot of the cloth and held his son up. He kissed his cheek. “Bye, little one. We’ll see each other soon, I promise.” Pride waited patiently until Bray handed the child to him. He nodded thankfully and let Bray hand him the cloth since it made carrying the child much more easy. Bray exhaled so deeply as if a weight was put of his shoulders. “Do you take him to the Ecco-Tribe?” Pride nodded. “Yes. It’s calmer there”, he replied. Brays worried look got to him, more than he was willing to admit. “Listen…”, he started as an idea had entered his mind, “I originally planned not to take May with me, but maybe it’d be better if she joined me for now. She’s a great messenger and if anything should happen, I’d send her to you right away, I promise.” Bray nodded. “Thank you”, he replied and Pride nodded as well. The child looked at him with his eyes wide open. How lost he seemed to be._

Since Pride approached the boy very carefully, Lux didn’t notice him coming. If he really was still asleep, he mustn’t wake him. But when he showed up at his side, Lux eyes were open and he looked directly at Pride, assuring him that he was awake after all. “Daddy Pride…I…I don’t know why I’m here.” He held the teddy bear close to his chest and Pride smiled at him indulgently. “You had one of your little night-walks again”, he explained. The child rubbed his eyes. “I dreamed I could fly”, he remembered, “Over the sea, the mountains, the treehouse and the fireplace. And over the brook. And…now I’m here.” Pride nodded. “As long as you always remember how you get back home, there’s nothing wrong about that”, he replied, putting an arm around his shoulder. The boy laughed quietly. “Of course I know, daddy Pride.” How affectionate he looked at him, how naturally he wrapped both of his arms around his hip. There was so much love coming from this eyes that were so familiar and even though that had happened so many times before, it took Pride’s breath away every time. “So everything’s alright”, he replied, satisfied with the boy that seemed to wake up from his trance-like state slowly. “Are we going to collect berries?” His voice was full of anticipation. “Kira said we don’t have enough for her to make jelly.” “Is that so? Well then we should go and find some later! But you know, I think its best if we both get some more sleep before we leave, so that we’re full of energy.” He stroked his hair as Amber’s son nodded. “We can’t use the place that is close to the camp anyways. The berries over there need a break, don’t they?” Pride nodded. “Exactly. We’ll find another place. You can only take so much from nature before it’s exhausted”, Pride smiled proudly. “So we can’t collect raspberries now because we did that the last time, right? But we still can collect blackberries. And those green leaves that smell so good.” “Mint you mean? Yes, that’s a great idea! But first of all…”, he nodded in the direction of the camp. A hint of protest showed up on the child’s face but was interrupted by a long yawn. So, he followed him without protesting. “Daddy Pride?” He turned around. “Yes?” “I think I know why I can fly in my dreams sometimes.” “So why is it?” The child smiled. “I am an eagle.”

They had left the camp early the other day, so that the blackberries would still be fresh, covered by the morning dew. Like Pride had said, they went to other than their usual places to find what they were looking four. And so they did. The little pouch made of leather the child was wearing around his neck almost all the time could easily have been filed and the container made of clay that Pride had brought along had been full as well when they brought it back to the camp. Pride was just cleaning it by the river when one of his tribe members approached him. “Pride?” He turned around. “The chairman of the city-tribes council is here looking for you.” For a moment he looked at the girl in confusion then he understood and nodded. “Send him here”, he replied and turned back to his container. The girl left and shortly after she was gone, Pride could hear the sound of boots, not ideal for moving on the wooden grounds. “Hello Pride!” Bray seemed tired but satisfied as he approached him. Pride rose and returned the greeting. “How did things go? Does the city have a hospital again?” Bray laughed. “No, unfortunately things don’t go so fast. But we agreed in which sector it’s supposed to be in. And two former Technos that were part of Ram’s health-program agreed to train people so that they can become nurses. These are very important steps.” He let himself down in the gras next to Pride. “Maybe we can start at least with some kind of emergency room next year. That way we could help those in desperate need, that would be great!” There was this special glimmer in his eyes that Pride knew all too well. The pride of having achieved something, the happiness because it was for a good cause - and the certitude of whose dream he kept alive by doing this.

Pride put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m really glad for you”, he replied honestly und Bray thanked him. “Yes it’s…great, how fast all of this is going along now. Five years ago, after the arrival of the technos there was absolute chaos. And now we do have peace between the tribes, we have a government elected by all the citizens, a currency, trade and soon there’ll be a health care system, that’s…”, he laughed, running his fingers through his hair, “Sometimes I can’t believe it myself.” Pride frowned. “That all of these things are back again or that you helped implementing them?”, he asked. “Both”, Bray replied immediately. “It’s just…somehow…the last few days…”, he scratched his chin, lost in thoughts, “I…I used to think about Amber a lot, you know. So much of what we achieved is there because I know it was her dream too. And sometimes I wonder I she’d approve of it.” “That you achieved all of this? Sure she would.” Bray shook his head. “No, I mean...If…she accepted the things I failed to do. If she would think the price to be right.” He didn’t look at Pride but at the grass between them. Pride didn’t reply.

“I can’t keep him with me for too long this time again”, Bray said quietly. “The next meeting with the tribal leaders from the north is up soon. It’s about negotiating the final talks, so that they acknowledge our council. A few former Locos will attend it too, I don’t want him to be in the city then.” Pride could hear all the pain in his voice and put a hand on his knee. “You know I can take him here anytime. Maybe…”, he hesitated, looking for the right words. “Maybe it would be better to keep him here for some time. It could be good for him to have a permanent home, not changing places between the city and our camp so often.” Bray’s gaze showed too well how little he thought of the idea. He had crossed his arms in front of his chest. “No”, he said determined, “It won’t do him any good, leaving him here in this bubble. I want him to know what is going on in the city, that he understands, that even with its flaws, the system we built is a good thing. That he always has the chance to build this society the way he wants it to be. Therefore he needs to be with me. On a regular basis.” Pride held back a sigh, it wasn’t the first time they had this conversation.

“But he can learn about that here as well. And here he has the chance to have a care-free childhood, at least as long as he’s still so young”, he argued, but Bray shook his head. “He’ll get the care-free childood in the city as well, I guarantee it. And he gets to spend it with me. That’s worth as much”, he replied sharply. Now the sigh came over Pride’s lips. “That’s not what this is about. I just think he’s safer here, as long as your system is still unstable. There are still riots in the city on a regular basis.” “Not in the part where the mall is located and also-“

But Pride didn’t let him finish.

“Still there are. And you’ll be so occupied with organizing everything. He notices when his father doesn’t really have time for him.” Bray raised his eyebrows furiously. “I do have time for him”, he said sharply, “I work and hold most of the meetings at night so that I can spend as much of the day as possible with him, I-“

“He’s sleepwalking again”, Pride cut him off, his voice still as calm as usual. “Tonight, he was down by the river. He says he’s dreaming about being an eagle, did you know?”, he asked. Bray let out a loud sigh, put a hand in his hair and shook his head. “An eagle?” Pride nodded and could feel a small smile form around his lips. “Of course, it’s an eagle…”, Bray whispered absently, rubbing his eyes. “What else could…”

“Daddy Bray!” Timothy smiled brightly as he approached the two men. “Hey little one!” Bray hugged him, as soon as he was in his reach, putting a kiss on his forehead. “What is that in your hair?”, he asked interested, pointing at the feather tugged behind his son’s ear. “It’s a guineafowl’s. Daddy Pride and I caught it this morning. He allowed me to keep it. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Now I almost look like you!” Timothy giggled and Bray nodded approvingly. “That’s right. We have to show that to the others in the city, mhm? Trudy and Brady. Do you join me?” His son nodded but left Bray, turning to Pride. “Daddy Pride, when we go hunting the next time, we should catch another guineafowl. That way, we could collect more feathers and each one of you could have their own.” His smile became even brighter. “Wouldn’t that be nice?” Pride nodded. “Yes it would.” He rose from the ground and let Timothy hug him goodbye. As Bray had sent him to the end of the camp, Pride turned back to the Mallrats’ leader. “Please consider what I said, will you?” Bray nodded. “I will.” But Pride knew the answer already before Bray had turned to leave.


End file.
